spending all of Harrow the Ninth drowning in Harrow’s grief and seeing the gaping maw that Gideon’s death has rent into her whole existance, and then getting smacked in the face by Nona the Ninth and the apperance of Kiriona Gaia and realizing that Gideon really just does not know. Gideon does not fucking know how much Harrow loves her. Gideon thinks she was abandoned and thrown away and that she gave her life for nothing and based on the information she has avalible to her that is like, a totally reasonable assumption.
head in hands i understand why she wanted to become Kiriona. she spent her childhood being told she was nothing and no one, abused by everyone who could have shown her care. she learned that she was created only to be a bomb. the one thing she had was Harrow. and then she felt like Harrow abandoned her, threw her away like trash. just like everyone else. fuck. no wonder she wants to just be the Daughter of God. no wonder she shed her name, given to her by the Ninth that hated her and the Mother that only created her for slaughter. no wonder she wants to reject everything that had rejected her. fuck.
#what hurts the most is Harrow has no idea of course that she feels that way #but it makes sense #in ntn we see Gideon get everything she ever wanted in book 1 #she got the cohort #a title a parent stories told about her that would make their way back to the ninth #she got to go back and kill crux #but none of it feels right because she’s missing the only part of it that was ever right #she needs harrow #in other words AAAAA#in this book WE are the gaping maw of grief
via @frostryn
I’ve seen theories about how Kiriona Gaia must also be amnesiac or brainwashed in some way, or just “not really Gideon” and tbh I think she IS entirely Gideon. Just.. grieving, stuck in a weird place with people she doesn’t know or like (I love Ianthe but Gideon sure doesn’t) and just threw herself into whatever role / life she had left. When Nova kisses Gideon and she’s shook for a moment before realizing that Nova isn’t Harrow and covering it up with bravado - yeah, that’s sad Gideon alright.
yeah honestly it’s gideon she’s just got the depression







